Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Searching For Sukha

"I was by myself for a pretty long time. I needed to do that. I think everyone that I know has wanted to do that or needed to do that at some point. I think when you spend enough time when it’s quiet around you and you don’t open your mouth for three or four days, there’s parts of your brain that can kind of rest. I think when we’re out in the world and we have to talk to people, we edit ourselves. You know, we have to act a little bit. As honest as we may be as humans, when we’re out here, we’re all kind of wearing mirrors on our faces. You know, constantly reacting to how to react to the people around you. And I think when you’re alone for a long enough time, you can feel a lot more peace." ~ from Feather, stone, moon & ivory bone

I've been trying to write a new post. Everyday, I try to force myself to say something. But, I am lost for words. The days seem to tumble over themselves. Blending in a blurr like a tumbleweed in a roadrunner cartoon. Every day seems like the one before. There's been no change in the weather. It's been cold and gray and gloomy. There. I've said it. Winter won't leave me alone. I don't function well without sun. Frustrated, I decided to let it go. Afterall, if you don't have anything good to say, don't say it all, right?

In front of a fire, I settle in. I go to a place that makes me smile and forget about where I'm at or how I feel on days like these. The tumblr space, Feather, stone, moon & ivory bone is my refuge. I also go to coffeeinthemountains. Images of rivers, canoes, mountains and cabins. I see places I've been, places I'd like to go and ideas for my future plans. These places are rugged and wild and far away from street sounds and concrete and jabbering, ranting voices. If only for awhile, I go to those places in my mind. It also helps me remember that I, too, have a place like that.

My very own Red Feather ::::: (stone, moon & ivory bone).


The month of March came. California seems like years ago. And then, March went away. Just like that. And with it went my best friend's birthday. That I completely forgot. After twenty years, I let it slip my mind. Time got away from me and I failed to remember. With that, I've got a long face. A very long face. What happened? How could I have forgotten Cathi's birthday! She's the last person I'd ever forget! I did though.

:::::::::::::HAPPY BIRTHDAY DESERT GIRL::::::::::::::

Cathi knows me better than anyone. We've been through everything together. I'm not joking.
We are going to Bali together. Someday. She made me a 'Bali' box.
She sends me messages in little bottles.
She gives me incense. And she reads my future with her Animal Cards. I always pick the 'right' animal.
She writes down her thoughts, then tucks them inside antique matchboxes.
We meet in Taos or Santa Fe for our birthday celebrations. But, not this year. (Perhaps that's why I forgot).
We love to visit Mable Dodge Luhan's house in Taos. Cathi calls it 'Maples Lodge'. And then we laugh and laugh and laugh....out loud. I've got a room reserved here for my upcoming journey out and about to New Mexico. I will pick sage bundles and write her a letter, in one of the tiny rooms where Willa Cather and Frank Waters wrote.
She knows I adore a whiff of sage.
Cathi's desert home is a sanctuary. She is an artist and the most amazing Mandala painter. As you can see, she paints murals along the walls of her yard.
Here is a stone labyrinth she created in her backyard. A sacred space to do yoga. Sun salutations to you, dear friend.
Mandala wall art. Isn't it beautiful?
Her gatos don't mind if I smother them with love.
All cactus remind me of her.
Bisbee, AZ. is one of our favorite hang outs. A lot of good memories live here.
Cathi is a desert flower.

She teaches Art to children. Sometimes she sends me projects she's taught in class. What an inspiration.

She writes me letters. I save them all.
I love Mexican oil cloth. I've got a lot of it thanks to my desert girlfriend.
So, there you have it. My dedication to the best friend I've ever had. It doesn't make up for my forgetting her birthday, but I'm just happy I finally remembered! She forgives me. I know she does. We'll laugh about it the next time we meet on the Rio Grande.



  1. prachtig als je zo van elkaar kunt genieten.

  2. I think you are missing the desert and your friend very much. The gray skies have gotten to you...I hope you get some much-needed sun and signs of spring soon, my friend. I had to look up what sukha meant - great word! Wrote you a letter this morning and went on to have a wonderful day outdoors - bluebirds, wild strawberry leaves, blue sky as far as you could see.

  3. how sweet.
    how very very sweet.

    red dirt, u r so special.
    i love your heart.
    i love your soul.


  4. Wow this is the most introspective post I've ever seen from you. I love it. I hope some sunlight finds its way to you soon, my friend. What a wonderful post!

  5. She lives in a beautiful sanctuary...I am certain she understands how one may forget when one is absorbed in a time warp...I think the first couple of paragraphs were written for me or I could have said the same...have you noticed how cat boys blog less and just appear on flickr..saying too much clouds things sometimes...lovely post xoxo

  6. She is lucky to have you. You are lucky to have her. Aw heck, you're both awesome!
    The sun will shine on you soon, and the warm winds will blow you to the places in your soul. Hang in there, sister. xx


    What a great post and what a great way to honor a best friend.